The Ten Commandments

My one faithful reader, thomas, challenged me to unpack why I think very little of the ten commandments. He specifically took me to task with my statement, "If any leader today were to write such a document as the ten rules for life, it would be judged to be woefully inadequate." He suggested that if Canada's Prime Minister, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named* (Harper), were to have written these ten commandments, the world be a better place (*my emphasis here, not thomas').

Let's analyze the ten commandments keeping in mind that the christian church teaches that god is omniscient or ALL KNOWING.


Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Think about this. A little self-centered, n'est-ce pas? How about the fact that Judaism is one of the world's "great MONOTHEISTIC religions?" Supposedly there are no other gods, but god, the one and only, makes it his first duty to make himself the priority. OK, he's god, let's cut him a little slack, here.


Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image. What about lawn ornaments? Do they count? Smurfs? Seriously, does god not have anything better to do? There is almost no point in even discussing this one. For an ALL KNOWING kind of guy, he seems to have wasted a commandment here.


Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. The needle of the Dictator-O-Meter just started to spin wildly. It reminds me of North Koreans referring to Kim Jong II as 'Dear Leader.' Think of all the injustice in the world - war, poverty, rape, sickness, child labour, torture and slavery, to mention a few. But god is more concerned that somebody is going to make fun of him. So far he hasn't even addressed the needs of humans.


Remember the sabbath day to keep it holy. On the Importance-Seismometer, this one doesn't ever move the needle. By way of analogy I would like to ask, "Does a seismometer register the shock waves of a fruit fly landing on the earth?" No and neither does the Importance-Seismometer register the importance of this request. When pastors preach on Sunday, are they not working? When christians all go out to lunch together, are they not creating work for others?


Honour thy father and mother. OK, not a bad one. God has a little practice under his belt and is starting to make a bit of sense. But from the perspective of an ALL KNOWING god, it's not exactly revolutionary.


Thou shalt not kill. Have any of you christians actually READ the Old Testament? God does not seem to have any problem with it. Neither do the vast majority of christians throughout history. God smites people right, left and centre. God turns them into pillars of salt and floods the whole earth to commit mass genocide when people aren't following his ways. WHAT IS THIS IF IT IS NOT KILLING? But if god had lived a life like Ghandi, it would be a great commandment. In the immortal words of the late George Carlin, "More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason."


Thou shalt not commit adultery. Here is how 'adultery' is defined in the book of Matthew (5:28), “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

Anyone not in a permanent catatonic state is probably aware that this commandment as defined in the book of Matthew is physically impossible. Therefore god has chosen to write a commandment that will lead to a life of guilt and sin, because no one could possibly fight against their nature so completely. God may as well have written "Thou shalt not look at the sky", "Thou shalt not breathe air" or "Thou shalt not touch the ground."


Thou shalt not steal. God is definitely making progress here. There isn't too much wrong with this one, but of course, god's people don't always follow the rules either. After the plague of the firstborn, the Israelites absolutely pillage the Egyptians. Now one could argue that they had been working as slaves and thus hadn't been paid fairly for their work. But of course, slavery didn't seem to bother god when it was other races. But I digress. And yes, I know that the plagues came before the commandments. I am just pointing out the lack of consistency.


Thou shalt not bear false witness against they neighbour. OK, I'll admit, this one's not a bad idea. Not exactly new or revolutionary, but a good commandment as they go.


Thou shalt not covet. Once again, god has written a commandment that is quite literally IMPOSSIBLE to follow. I don't believe even one person in the history of the world could make a credible claim to have fulfilled this commandment. Even Bill Gates has to have wanted to get an iPod at some point in time. For an ALL KNOWING god, he sure likes to make it impossible for his followers to do what he wants. But of course, guilt is the ideal way to control people.

Let's say I am the new grade one teacher at a school. I start off by putting a chocolate cupcake with icing and sparkles on each child's desk and then tell them they are not allowed to look at it, they are not allowed to think about it, they are definitely not allowed to eat it. You would think I am nucking futs and if I went so far as to severely punish children who broke these impossible rules, the school district would probably have me fired or suspended at the very least. But for some reason, god can make such messed up rules and we just have to accept them. Let's not even get into the whole idea of eternal punishment in hell (a major doctrine of the vast majority of the world's churches).


On a completely different level, there is also quite a credible argument in favour of the idea that the ten commandments are lifted from the Egyptian Book of the Dead, a document that most likely predates the Old Testament.




Now looking at this from the perspective of internal consistency, even the New Testament does not agree with the Old Testament. In the New Testament, when christ mentions the commandments, he only lists five!

Luke 18:20 - "Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honour thy father and thy mother."

Why only five, jesus? Weren't you paying attention in Sunday school?


So to end off this major post, I bring you the late George Carlin's take on the ten commandments. He whittles 'em down to two and adds one at the end. It's George Carlin - it's not family entertainment, so the video is not totally safe for work. (NSFW) But it's well worth watching!



And to finally come back to the question about Stephen Harper, I think it would be the instant end to his political career if he came up with such a list of rules for life in the 21st century.