Thursday, March 20, 2008
Why I Never Married
For many years, people pushed, prodded and cajoled me to get married. They tried to set me up (always a dismal failure as even if I was attracted to the woman, the fact that someone tried to set me up, awoke the rebellious side of me and made me not interested in the ill-advised female). I never went down the road of marriage. In fact, I never even came close. Besides never being convinced that I was "in love" and with a person who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I never wanted to follow that heavily traveled path just because everyone else was. Eventually, people left me alone about the issue. It rarely comes up now. I live a very fulfilling life and have been very happy for a long time. Since I am now more open-minded about marriage, it is possible that I will get married one day. But don't put money down on it. I have never exactly been able to articulate what I want to avoid in marriage, but I no longer need to. Someone else has done that for me. This animated video pretty much sums up what I think many relationships are and what I would avoid at all costs.
As always, do post your opinion in the comments. So far the dialogue has been great. Don't stop now.
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8 comments:
HA! Fantastic!
Love the video...sums up my ideas about marriage as well. I agree with you...I don't want to go down that path, just because the majority seem to believe that is the best path. What a conforming society we are. It is one road of MANY, but I hardly believe it is the surefire way to happiness. I'm not closed to the idea of getting married either, but if I do walk down the isle, it will not be a decision I take lightly.
Hi Glenn!
Strangely enough, your comments about marriage pretty much parallel my take on the whole "having kids" issue. I never wanted them, nor did my husband, and despite all sorts of pressure from others (which is bizarre in itself - what business is it of anyone else?! - but I digress...), we have remained childfree by choice.
I have far more respect for people who make intelligent, well-thought-out choices about major issues such as marriage and children than those who simply drift through life following the crowd, because "that's what you do."
Great blog, BTW! :)
Thank you Jaime and Laurel. I am glad people are appreciating the alternative look at things they will find on my blog. I never was or will be a conformist and am starting to realize that there are more free thinkers out there than I realized. Thanks for the comments.
Benefits of Marriage
• Married people live longer than unmarried or divorced people. Nonmarried women have 50% higher mortality rates than married women and nonmarried men have a 250% higher rate than married men. (Waite & Gallagher, 2000)
• Married people are happier than single, widowed, or cohabiting people. About 40% of married people report being very happy with their lives, whereas only 18% of divorced people, 15% of separated people, and only 22% of widowed and 22% of cohabiting people report being very happy. (Waite & Gallagher, 2000)
• Married people have more sex and a better quality sexual relationship than do single, divorced or cohabiting individuals. (Waite & Gallagher, 2000)
• Married people are more successful in their careers, earn more, and have more wealth than single, divorced or cohabiting individuals. (Waite & Gallagher, 2000; Antonovics & Town, 2004)
• Children from homes where the parents are married tend to be more academically successful, more emotionally stable, and more often assume leadership roles. (Waite & Gallagher, 2000; Manning & Lamb, 2003)
• Adolescents living with their biological parents are less likely to have sexual intercourse. (Pearson, Frisco, 2006; Sieving, Eisenberg, Pettingell, & Skay, 2006)
• Adolescents living with both biological parents exhibit lower levels of problem behavior than peers from any other family type. (Carlson, 2006)
• Males whose parents never married are significantly less likely to marry and more
likely to cheat on their romantic partners. (Colman & Widon, 2004)
Hi Glenn,
You know I never like to take a polarized view on any subject but I thought I'd contribute a few statistics because you like studies and 'facts'. Marriage, like anything has its good points and its bad - just as being single does.
Here's one more fact:
Teachers who didn't have cruel, practical joking sponsor teachers live significantly longer than those who did* (Kachmar 2008). * I have to admit that the sample size for this "scientific study" was rather small.
Great post, Tor Mentor.
I won't contest any of the points because I can't, however, you have mentioned to me on many occasions that the freedom I have as a single person is enviable.
Cruel, practical joking sponsor teachers, like the institution of marriage, also have their good and bad points.
First the good points: 1. They interject humor into their own lives and Dr. William Fry, one of the world’s leading medical researchers in humor, has stated that he believes that eventually researchers will have scientific evidence that humor and/or one of its resultant human reactions, mirthful laughter, favorably impact virtually every system in the human body. To date, he says, that remains an exploration into largely uncharted territory, as medical scientists are still discovering new systems not formerly known! 2.They create humorous memories which are talked about at least fifteen years after the humorous event occured. 3.They keep masochist interns returning to the CPJRST's company for years, hoping that the CPJST has even more cruel practical jokes up their sleeves which will spice up the intern's meagre life.
Now the bad points: Hmm - at the moment I can't think of any but when I do I'll keep you posted.
Yes,I have commented that I envy your freedom, but I also have lived long enough to have learned the difference between holding a partner's hand and chaining their soul. When I wish freedom from cohabitation I have only to step out of my door - you've seen me do that many times (and travel half way round the world when and if I so choose.) And the same goes for my spouse - why, right now I believe he has busted loose and gone to Capital Iron.
But, I find I also like attachment and, after a month or two on my own, my thoughts return to my home, my husband, my children, my dog and yes - to my former interns! I guess I just want it all!
HEH GLENN,
Well, I havent seen you in 18 yrs .. OOPS. I am from Victoria, BC but have lived in Europe for 15 years. I am married, have been for 12 years. Marriage is not the answer to happiness, stability or joy and peace. But, I do believe that marriage can be a stronghold for life. Marriage is a big commitment, and some folks cant stick to it. Divorce kills. Estonia, the country that I live now has the highest divorce rate in Europe, as a result the family stature is destroyed. The morale and character of the "average" individual is degraded (understatement).
In short I believe in marriage, but it is a hard work and challenge. You get what you put into it!
MIKE J
I wouldn't disagree with anything you said. I especially agree about getting out of it what you put into it. I couldn't say for sure, but that sounds like wisdom to me.
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